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Confidence

Do You Believe What You think?

Last Friday I lost £20 in a bet. I was at an Australian Business event in London to celebrate the Olympics. I got into a conversation about the 1976 Montreal Olympics. This had been Australia's worst performance since 1936 (no gold medals compared to 8 in 1972). I have a lasting memory of being at high school watching live as Stephen Holland won our only swimming medal (a silver). I've been saying that for years but thanks to Philip Aitken, I won't be telling it quite like that any more...

Philip said with conviction, "No, Australia's only silver medal in 1976 was won by the men's hockey team. Stephen Holland won a bronze medal"

I said with equal conviction that it was definitely silver. I was so sure I was right I said I'd bet on it. "Are you really sure about that?" he said, graciously giving me the chance to back out of this. "Yes!", I said. I wanted to punish him for being so foolish to think that he was right.

Power and Humility - The Case of Simon Cowell

The jester used to play an important role in the court of the all-powerful king. Using humour, he could get away with saying things that nobody else would dare to say. In doing so, he would help keep the king grounded and willing to recognise his own shortcomings. On Saturday, the funny and self-assured David Walliams became the jester in the court of King Simon Cowell.

As I sat down with my family to watch the often amusing and sometimes inspiring TV programme, Britain's Got Talent, there was clearly a very new dynamic on the panel of judges.

Head judge and creator of the show, Simon Cowell was back along with regular, Amanda Holden, and new judges, Alisha Dixon and David Walliams.

Previous judges have included Piers Morgan, David Hasselhoff and Michael McIntyre, but none have made Cowell seem much less cool and powerful, and more ordinary in the way that Walliams did last night.

He got away with it for three reasons:

How are you? How are you REALLY?

Exactly 7 days ago the beautiful and happily married wife of a handsome, talented football player, manager and loving father found her husband had hung himself in their garage. ..... And yesterday, my tooth broke.

Now, the death of Gary Speed is a tragedy which shocked a nation and, of course, my tooth problem is a minor irritation (even to me) which is easily repaired. However, there is an important symbolic parallel we can all learn from. Let me explain ....

Last week I went to the dentist for an overdue check up. I'd had no problems with my teeth in the last year and as I he looked in my mouth, the dentist could see no problems. However, we agreed it was time for an x-ray to make sure. This showed something else. One tooth had a lot of decay beneath the surface. The dentist was a little surprised I not had any problem with it and recommended I book in for a filling ASAP. I said to the receptionist that perhaps I could wait until after my 3 week trip to Australia. She said it is not worth the risk. .... She was right.

Two Words to Help You Do Amazing New Things!

Last week, we took our 10 year old, Matthew, to view a secondary school that he might go to. When we saw a beautifully drawn picture of a human hand done by one of the art students, Matthew declared, "I couldn't do that" and, feeling inadequate, immediately left the room.

Instead of seeing his possibility, he saw his inability. He completely missed the exciting point that this was a place where he could learn to do things like that!

When marvelling at the skill of another (e.g. in singing, drawing, dancing, writing, or technology), have you ever made the mistake of thinking, "I could never do that"?

Stanford Psychologist Carol Dweck noticed the difference between a "fixed mindset" and a "growth mindset". Now people may vary in their innate abilities and potential, but which of these mindsets they choose can have a huge impact.

People with a fixed mindset assume their capabilities are already set. They therefore place a limit on themselves and will miss opportunities.

Those with a growth mindset recognise that application and experience enables them to achieve more in life. And so they usually do!

Go Slow to Go Fast!

Today in London I had coffee with a fellow Australian who holds non-executive chairman roles and has held some very senior executive positions in his distinguished career. I was keen to learn his views on what emerging leaders need to know and do to ensure their career success.

Having committed myself to accelerating the development of the next generation of leaders, I find it helpful to either reinforce or extend my existing knowledge on the subject.

His comments did both.

We agreed that some things have changed since his days as a young leader stepping up into big roles in his 20's and 30's, compared to today's new generation of leaders. These include:

  • There used to be more middle management roles to enable progression
  • Career path choices were more simple and straight forward

Bringing A New Person Into The Firm (Lessons from Kate & Wills)

Tomorrow, watched by over 2 billion people, Kate Middleton officially commences her new life as a member of the British Royal Family. There is a sense of optimism that this marriage will be more successful than the one that emerged from the "fairytale wedding" of Charles and Diana 30 years ago. I'd like to suggest that there are powerful lessons that can be applied to the process of having people accept a new job within an organisation.

Recently I met with a client who recruited a new team member with a view to this person being a potential successor. What appeared to be a great "marriage" has thus far proved to be a disappointment for all concerned. There are many reasons for this but it highlights why a successful marriage (whether to a prince or to an organisation) requires a bit more forethought and attention than the fairytales would suggest.

Are You Wasting Time and Energy?

Have you ever been in a meeting with someone who was saying things mainly to try and make themselves look good? If so, have you ever asked yourself whether YOU might sometimes do the same thing?!

In 2000, I had to take an honest look at myself when a colleague said this to me: "Peter, sometimes in meetings you say things that don't need to be said."

Upon reflection, I could see myself trying to justify my existence in the organisation. I was wanting to show how "clever" I was. In fact, what I was doing was making "noise" that wasted time whilst revealing a lack of deep confidence and self-awareness!

Not wanting to make a fool of myself again in this way, I made an important decision. Whenever I felt the urge to speak I would ask myself ONE SIMPLE QUESTION.

Are Men Really More Confident?

Yesterday, I was talking with friend about the "imposter syndrome" (see my March 14 blog). She suggested that men and women tend to take a different approach. For example, in considering a new job opportunity, a man will go for the role, even if he only has 5 of the 10 criteria, whereas a woman may not go for it even if she has 9 of the 10 criteria!

There may be some truth in this broad generalisation.

If we look at cultural/social conditioning, men tend to be socialised to appear strong, confident and in control. It is considered more acceptable for a woman to question herself, whether it is around professional competency or physical attractiveness.

How to Kick the Imposter Syndrome

On Saturday, I gave a talk about the "imposter syndrome."

It is not uncommon for emerging leaders to experience the imposter syndrome when they step up into a much bigger role at a relatively young age. Excitement about the opportunity is often mixed with some fear of failure.

Here is a simple approach that will help you get the balance right and build your confidence.

We can experience the imposter syndrome when we find ourselves in a situation and then start to question whether we're actually good enough to be there, and whether we'll cope with any challenges. There is a little voice inside our head telling us that we may fail because we are trying to do something we've not done before. We can feel like a fraud, waiting to be found out!

How we relate with that little voice makes all the difference.

Here are 3 different ways (illustrated by examples from my own life):

Example 1.