Do you follow the religion of Shouldism?
I sometimes do.
It focuses on the gap between what we believe SHOULD be... and what presently IS (hence, Shouldism").
Any time you find yourself being judgemental, angry, and stressed, you are being a Shouldist!
If you love complaining, being upset and stressed, then Shouldism is definitely the way to go! We are truly blessed with infinite opportunities to find a gap between how we think things/people should be... and how they currently are.
On the other hand...
If we sincerely want to bring change in ourselves and/or others, we must START from acceptance (e.g. "It is what it is," or "They/we did what they/we did").
To argue with current reality is INSANE!
Having accepted current reality, we can then decide if we would like to have an influence over the direction of travel so that things might move to a different reality.
"SHOULD" is a harsh and judgemental word.
Try substituting it with "COULD" which is the language of potential and possibility.
It is less about guilt and blame, and more about vision and encouragement.
NEWS FLASH: You didn't create the universe and you're certainly not running it!
The more we try to control things, the less influence we have. Kind of ironic, isn't it?
When people feel that their desire for autonomy, mastery and purpose is respected by us, they will be more responsive to our perspective. Of course, it still doesn't guarantee we'll get what we want, but it makes it a little more likely.
Regardless, choosing to love life and people unconditionally is the one thing we CAN control. And that is the ultimate source of happiness...
I have to keep reminding myself of all this stuff.
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